It’s been a while since a I wrote anything thanks to a bout of writes block, but I was finally moved into action by a conversation I had yesterday. Before we get started, may this be an amazing year for you and may you only have good things happen.
I’ve been seeing a life coach for 2 years. Of all the things I’ve done in my life to sort myself out, this has hands down been the best money I have ever spent. I had nothing left 2 years ago, now I have everything.
Anyway, we were discussing my goals for the year and I was voicing my frustration at not making a difference like I could be, I was eager to find my purpose, do what I came here to do and make a massive success of it. Sophie stopped and looked at me and said ‘you don’t get it do you, you have already made a massive difference and successfully changed so many people’s lives. This is not something you need to achieve this year, because you have already done that and have been for years!’.
Then I stopped and looked at her, and said ‘oh yeah, how do I know that?’. And that’s where this blog was born.
You know how it goes at funerals right, people stand there and rave about how great that person was when they were alive. Why do we wait until someone is dead to say these things? (Thank you Marcus Portmann for saying that 7 years ago, I’ve never forgotten it).
People look at me and only see a success story – and while they are right, I suffer from insecurities just like everybody else; been doing the best that I can, just like everybody else. Being in the position I am, I have been subjected to a lot of scrutiny over the years by a lot of people who loved to tell me everything I did wrong and point out all my flaws. This happens a lot less nowadays, but the scars of the past still haunt me sometimes. Yet I can count on less than one hand the amount of times in the past year that anyone has said to me “good job, you rock, you are amazing, thank you for everything you do, my life is better because of you”.
Now I’m not on some pity party here, please don’t get me wrong. I’m not fishing for compliments because I know my self-worth. But my point is, that even strong people like me get worn down by the constant nitpicking at every little thing. What must fragile people be going through living in world that focuses heavily on the negative of everything? Why are we so afraid to tell people how great they are? How many people are needlessly suffering because of this?
We can change all this. If you have no idea how to make a difference in this world, here’s one – go and tell someone today, right now; because just thinking that they are is not enough – people can’t mind-read and you just don’t know when your words of kindness can change everything for them. People make mistakes, it doesn’t mean they are bad people. Forgive them and move on and rebuild that beautiful relationship you once had.
Go tell them how great they are, how they made a difference in your life, how you changed your life because of them, how grateful you are for whatever it is they do for you, how inspired you are by them, how motivated; how thankful you are that you know them, how appreciative you are for what they did for you. Tell them in person, email them, call them, message them, tell them in public – write on their Facebook walls, tweet them, write them recommendations on LinkedIn. Hug them! Tell them you love them! Make sure that they know what they did … while they’re still alive for goodness sake.
Because I can promise you, we don’t hear it enough. It was said to me yesterday and I was so taken aback, that I actually could not speak. Isn’t that sad?
Everybody has flaws, everybody is dealing with pain, but we don’t need to focus on that every minute of every day. If we choose to celebrate the good side of the people in our lives, we can change everything. People who are feeling so weary, unappreciated and ready to give up will be re-energised and be empowered to do more. Think about how you would feel if someone told you every day what an amazing person you were.
So do it, right now. Go and tell someone that – your friend, your lover, your family, your colleagues, your boss, your staff, your client, your supplier, your mentor. Anyone. Then keep doing it. And if someone says these things to you – don’t brush it off and minimize it. Say “thank you, and you’re welcome” and mean it.